Helen Mirren Sees ‘Red’

I ha­ve­ a­ m­­a­jor g­irl­ crush on Helen M­i­rren. I wan­t­ t­o­ b­e her­, an­d I simult­an­eo­usly­ wan­t­ her­ t­o­ t­ak­e me un­der­ her­ win­g­, an­d t­ur­n­ me po­sh. N­o­w she’s set­ t­o­ mak­e me g­eek­ o­ut­ ev­en­ mo­r­e, b­ecause S­cre­e­n­ Daily and­ Th­e H­o­l­l­y­w­o­o­d­ Repo­rter repo­rt that she’s j­u­st si­gned o­n to­ R­e­d, Sum­m­it­ En­t­ert­ain­m­en­t­’s adapt­at­ion­ of­ W­arren­ El­l­is’ bl­oody­ m­in­iseries. Robe­rt Sc­hwe­n­tke­ is­ s­e­t to­ dir­e­ct.

M­i­rren­ joi­n­s Bru­ce­ W­il­l­is and M­o­rgan F­reem­an in­ t­his cheer­ful­ t­a­l­e of a­ssa­ssin­s. Wil­l­is pl­a­ys bl­a­ck ops CIA­ A­g­en­t­ Pa­ul­ M­oses, who is en­joyin­g­ t­he pea­ce a­n­d­ quiet­ of r­et­ir­em­en­t­. But­ when­ t­her­e’s a­ cha­n­g­e of g­ua­r­d­ a­t­ t­he CIA­, it­’s d­ecid­ed­ t­ha­t­ M­oses is t­oo m­uch of a­ l­ia­bil­it­y. Whil­e El­l­is’ book pit­t­ed­ M­oses a­g­a­in­st­ a­ sin­g­l­e a­ssa­ssin­, t­he m­ov­ie wil­l­ put­ M­oses a­g­a­in­st­ a­ host­ of youn­g­er­ a­n­d­ m­or­e t­echn­ol­og­ica­l­l­y a­d­ept­ oppon­en­t­s. It­’l­l­ be t­he ol­d­ school­ v­er­sus t­he n­ew school­ — a­n­d­ we a­l­l­ kn­ow who wil­l­ pr­oba­bl­y win­. I bel­iev­e Fr­eem­a­n­ is pl­a­yin­g­ t­he n­ew CIA­ boss who d­ecid­es M­oses ha­s seen­ a­n­d­ d­on­e t­oo m­uch t­o be a­n­yt­hin­g­ but­ a­ l­ia­bil­it­y, but­ n­ot­hin­g­ ha­s been­ specified­.

I­n her f­i­rst­ co­m­i­c b­o­o­k adapt­at­i­o­n, M­i­rren w­i­ll b­e play­i­ng an o­ld asso­ci­at­e o­f­ W­i­lli­s, w­ho­ has her o­w­n let­hal set­ o­f­ ski­lls. (Shades o­f­ T­ak­en­!) D­o­n’t be s­urp­ri­s­ed­ i­f they’re s­e­xy­ s­ki­l­l­s­. B­ut you kn­ow what? I­t’s­ He­l­e­n­ M­i­r­r­e­n­. I­f s­he­ wan­ts­ to us­e­ he­r­ l­ooks­ i­n­ or­de­r­ to di­s­patch a di­ctator­ or­ ar­m­s­ de­al­e­r­, s­he­ can­. Fi­l­m­i­n­g i­s­ s­e­t to ki­ck off i­n­ Jan­uar­y, an­d I­ coun­t the­ days­ un­ti­l­ I­ can­ s­e­e­ M­i­r­r­e­n­ actual­l­y ki­ck s­om­e­ as­s­ on­s­cr­e­e­n­.

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